Namaste What?!

My daughter and I had this wild idea that we would go to a local wellness center and take a Yoga class. Easy enough, right? I mean how hard could it be? All the shows on TV paint a picture of the classes being relaxing and laid back so we thought we could do this, no problem. When we take classes, we always try to stand at the very back of the room to avoid making spectacles of ourselves or feel that we are on display and this particular class would be no different. We walked in, and to our surprise, there was plenty of room in the back.

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We were excited, “Yes!!! We got us a good spot!” or so we thought. Little did we know but this class instructor preferred to stand at the back of the room looking towards the mirrors so she could see the participants at every angle. We were smack dab in the middle of the front row.  Our rear ends would soon be displayed for all to see in downward dog position. By the time this registered with us the room had filled up, and it was much too late to make our get away. My daughter and I  just looked at each other, laughed it off and thought how bad could it be. Well, Let me just tell you how bad it got.

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The instructor was the most nimble and agile little 50 something-year-old. I thought well we are new, and certainly she will be lenient about her expectations on us but boy was I sorely mistaken. Once we began, it became painfully apparent that this lady was very disappointed in my performance and she made it known. She would demonstrate a position and the class would then proceed to execute it. Here I was trying my best to contort my body the way I thought was right only to be called out by her and not once, mind you, but multiple times. Lord help, I mean I was a cheerleader back in the day. It wasn’t like I had never stretched or participated in other activities similar to Yoga. At one point we were supposed to be bent over with our arms behind our back and raised up as far as possible, and as you can imagine once again, I was not doing it to her satisfaction.

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I could tell she was scrambling around behind me. The next thing I knew she had grabbed this strap, tied my hands loosely together and then pulled my arms up to what seemed like right beside my ears. I tried my hardest to keep the position I was in after she let go of the strap but my arms quickly fell back down and began to feel numb from being overextended. By this time I had broken out in a sweat. From that point forward I could not take my eyes off of the clock. “20 minutes left” I would say to myself and then “15 minutes, I can do this.” I thought I had escaped this woman’s wrath, but she was determined to “show me the way” one last time.

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We had gotten to the end of the class, and she had us get in this position where we were on our knees but had our legs to the sides, and then we had to lean forward and lay our body down with our arms extended over our head. Finally, a position that felt comfortable to me, but not for long. That lady jumped on top of my back and proceeded to bounce down, trying to get me to go lower. If no one had noticed her interaction with me before, they certainly could not miss it now. As soon as she removed herself from my back, she announced “NAMASTE.” I thought to myself “Yep! I’m gonna NAMASTE away from this lady’s class!”

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3 COMMENTS

  1. Mike Cox | 4th Nov 16

    That is so funny, i can’t believe you didn’t put a karate move on her! Your Dad.

  2. jamesandsteph | 7th Nov 16

    Well, I don’t think I will be attending any more of her classes in the future!

  3. Lynda S | 7th Nov 16

    Oh my gosh! I need to find out where you went because I have been thinking a lot about taking up yoga, but there is no way that I could go in her class. I AM NOT A PRETZEL. I am glad you survived!

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